I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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