I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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