Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My hand turned me down
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
