he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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