We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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