You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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