after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
