My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
