i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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