Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
