I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
