And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
