DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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