when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
