Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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