Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
