He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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