from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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