There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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