Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
