I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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