today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
