we have officially lost it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
