There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
