He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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