this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
