Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dear god my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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