I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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