he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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