she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
