it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
