I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
