508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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