We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
