i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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