i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
