She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
