apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
