Umm I'm too high to move.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
