all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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