How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
