I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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