your thong is hanging out like whoa
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
