this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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