omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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