That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Shame - the story of my life.
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