please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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