Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
