Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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