just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
