You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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