So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
