well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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