i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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