I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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