I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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