God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
