maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
