had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
