my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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