1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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