i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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